Daily I am met not just with the physical opposition of the lack of our daily needs but with the spiritual bombardment of the enemy and his fiery darts. I have discovered that it is far easier to fight an enemy that is without than the enemy that is within, that is, my flesh. As I anticipate with clockwork the coming of the multiplicity of my responsibilities and commitments and see those days approach, my flesh becomes my worse nightmare and enemy.
The scenarios begin to race through my mind, I become fearful and anxious at the prospect of not being able to complete my monthly commitments and knowing the result is not to have the things we need to function normally. The thought that my children will not have their daily bread is heartbreaking or that we wont have electric or water to see, wash and drink, these thoughts begin to chip away at my very soul even unto despair. I begin to question did I do the right thing? Have I made the right choices? Am I following the right course? And as these questions pound in my head and my heart the fear and anxiety begin to kill my spiritual vitality and sap what little strength I have left. I awake in the night and I begin to doubt and to cry out, “Oh my Lord, why hast thou forsaken me”. I even want to raise my voice in opposition to what the Lord has allowed to take place. And more importantly, why is it, the Lord remains so silent at this time of trial and tribulation. The flesh and the devil begin to rattle their sabers in preparation of their victory to cry havoc and to destroy.
Then suddenly as a dry well that fills in Spring, God’s very words begin to well up as from a darkened pit within my soul. Verses like, “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28. And as God’s word begins to restore unto me the lost vigor from the fight others verses begin to make their way to the surface, like, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Phl 4:6, 7 They come tumbling like stones that avalanche off a great mountain and hit my spirit with full force, wiping at least for the moment the enemy from the field. This help, that comes only from him and is not of me, only causes me to cease from fighting and to drop to my knees and praise him for his goodness and grace. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1, 2 I cry out unto him I know these verses, I have been taught them and memorized them. These very simple words strike against the swords of my enemy and back them in the field of battle and for the moment abate their attack.
It is there that these verses become so much more richer and more meaningful than they ever were over the years, yet they only comfort for the day. And as the day sets upon the battle I realize that in the morn a new battle line will be drawn and once again the enemy will strike and strike hard he will, ever pushing forward to take back any and all ground he can to deprive me of peace, to tire and weary me into submission at his mighty blows.
As I arise to face the new day I gaze upon the field to survey the enemies attack, I am often surprised that I have the vitality to carry on this difficult battle, yet at other times I find myself as weak as a child, as a David would seem against a Goliath. I find the strength each day in him, to stand, to take up my sword, my shield, my armour of God on the right and the left, to wear the helmet of my salvation with honour, and as I ready myself his word again rolls across my hearts banner, “But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20:24