Communication is the key to success in every aspect of your life. Success always depends on your ability to communicate properly. Most are good at communicating certain Ideas in small groups, others are better at communicating in large groups. Yet others are better communicators in one on one situations. Yet we are all poor communicators and fail in some area of our lives because of our inability to communicate properly.
Communication is not barking orders. That is Hierarchal Communication, I speak and you jump to it style of communication. It works good while in battle. But life, business and other relationships is not a battlefield to be conquered but rather a field of opportunity of nurture and grow. And that is developed through Co-equal Interactive Communication. Open, honest and straight forward communication based on respect and collegial alliance, without fear of reproach, reprisal or reprimand.
Have you ever met a person passing in the hallway or store in a casual way?
Well of course you have, and what they say has intrigued me for years. It usually goes like this, “Hello, how are you” and you respond “fine thanks. And yourself” “Ok”. The standard commonplace greeting amongst strangers, “how are you” is so misplaced in our fast paced world.
What should be communicated in asking “how are you” is this, I am very interested in How you are? But that is furthest from the truth. They are not interested in How you are or they would have taken the time to listen. The greeting is communicated but without the expectation of either party really communicating on how they are. Therefore the communication is a lie, it is shallow and it is not really co-equal. It is just another form of miscommunication we have learned over the years. This commonplace greeting comes from a time when communities were smaller and people stopped and took time to greet, share and listen to one another. Communities were at one time interested the welfare of others.
Today’s social media communities unite people from around the world and in that, many do not communicate in a way that is co-equal. Most communicate and expect others to listen but not in a way that develops deep relationships like that of the local community. Social media has not succeeded in bringing people together but has enforced itself as a tool to rule over others without their permission. It is a way to exploit others and their words rather than develop communal relationships. In the end, people are harmed by social media more often than helped. There is a difference between having access to a world wide audience and actually communicating properly with others.
One of what seemed to be the rudest responses I had to the “how are you” was “Are you really interested in how I am? It shocked the person and they were left without really knowing how to answer. It is because they were not being honest in asking or stating what they communicated. It was an experiment of course and I apologized to the person for coming across so blunt. I explained what I was attempting to analyze from their response and in the end they often realize they never were really expected to care to hear a real answer to that question but only use it in a nonchalant way of saying hello.
If you want to be a success you must learn to listen not just say things without expecting a true answer or response. Don’t ask how are you unless you are willing to listen to a true answer. Don’t respond to the “How are you” statement or question in like manner but rather say good morning, afternoon or evening. Anything more than that, is a communication that is not Honest. And honest communication is the first step to co-equal communication. And true co-equal collegial interactive communication is the key to success in any venture of your life.
A good thing to do is to go over all your daily communication routine and see where you may in fact say or ask things that you are not really expecting an answer or response. Once identified make a conscious effort to change those statements to real honest and open communications or at least correct them so you are not speaking forth a lie if need be. When you communicate honest and openly it opens up doors of success in every area of your life. Choose to communicate co-equally, honestly and openly and you will succeed at anything.