Developing relationships is a difficult thing for many people even though they have many friends and acquaintances. I knew a young woman who was very beautiful and in addition she was highly intelligent. She was always surrounded by people and it seemed everyone wanted to be her friend. From the casual observance you would think she had great relationships with people, but nothing could have been further from the truth.
As she left school and went into the public sector many of her friends moved away or got married. She however was still single and struggling with her life. She eventually gave in to the desire of self destruction and attempted suicide. Here you had what seemed on the outside to be a person who had lots of friends and relationships but when the facade was rolled away her life was quite the opposite.
From her own interview she admitted that many of those who befriended her were the ones who did most of the communicating and were more self motivated than were truly interested in her as a person. Many used her beauty as a way to meet men that were naturally attracted to her. And when they had all gone on she was alone. She had been alone for many years but you couldn’t tell it from the outside. Even her own parents were surprised to learn of her loneliness.
What came from this observation is the basis of why co-equal interactive communication will lead to co-equal relationships that are lasting and strong. When there is not co-equal communication one party is always left out of the communicative side of a relationship and in short is not truly part of the relationship at all. I learned this lesson myself personally only after the loss of a very deep relationship in my own life. I looked back and could see there was no real communication let alone co-equal communication. Since those days I have learned to develop communication and relationships that are stronger and long lasting.
Co-equal communication and relationship go hand in hand. If one part of communication is lacking or is lopsided there truly is no real relationship. It will be a type of hierarchal relationship where one rules over the other by some instrument, that instrument could be sex, money, personal security or any other thing that one could use over another, it results in manipulation and oppression. It always gives the upper hand of control to one person in the relationship and will always result in a loss of that relationship over time.
This is why co-equal communication is so crucial to personal relationships. It is what is missing in the common family teaching, it is something that should be learned from the family unit from birth. Unfortunately over the last 100 plus years we have seen a drastic drop in communication within the family unit. This drop has led to many people relying upon their public school teachers to teach relationships and communication. The problem is, as evident by the attitude of many college students today, the professor or teacher is right and all others are wrong. What the child learns in school is the teacher is the ruler and they are the naive. Schools teach hierarchal leadership and relationships. While professing to teach students to be more open and tolerant they are teaching them to be more self centered and closed off.
This over the last fifty years is now coming to light as a generation of people who know not where they are going and are willing to give up their rights and be ruled over by a centralized government. Again we are returning to and keep with the traditional hierarchal leadership because that is what they learned from birth and their parents learned and theirs before them. This is the answer as to why there is an up swing in suicides, mass murders and total lack of real self respect and respect for others. You see it is all do to the lack of co-equal communication skills that used to be taught quiet naturally in the family unit being replaced with the unnatural hierarchal communicative relationship that is inherently taught in public schools.
How do we break this cycle of self destruction and disrespect caused by hierarchal communicative relationships?
We need to learn and adapt communication skills that involve others equally, must teach our children this type of communication in the home via the parental relationship. We must learn that “no man is an island” and exist apart from all other men. We must learn that open interactive communication without fear of reprisal and retribution is the only true way to develop deep and meaningful relationships with spouses, children, friends and coworkers.
And it all starts with you.
Are you willing to put yourself in a position that is equal with others?
Or are you just wanting to press on in the hierarchal skills you learned by example from every venue in your life?
Cut off the venues of wrong learning (i.e. TV, School, etc. . . ), redevelop communications skills with family and friends, learn to develop relationships that work two way instead of self centered or self motivated relationships that benefit only you. Learn to be open and willing to be hurt so you may grow in understanding, this will lead you to longer lasting relationships and friendships that in turn will make you a leader that cares and loves all around them. And always remembers that co-equal communication and relationships go hand in hand, one cannot work without the other.