Co-Equal/Collegial Interactive Governance the True Government of the Founders of the USA

Last time we spoke about Hierarchal Governance and how it rules over people not rules through people.  To understand that we are not saying that a hierarchal government in not ran by people.  The difference is that through people means that people are communicating equally the needs of all it’s people and representing them all in a equal plane.  This is the style of Government that the founders of the United States of America first initiated when they revolted against the Crown of England (a form of hierarchal govt).

They didn’t have a fancy name for the style of government they started but they communicated well with each representative of each state and all agreed by creating a Declaration of Independence and a constitution by which all men in these States were going to live by and treat each other.  Via this document we can see that these men were God fearing men who knew that ALL men were created equal in the eyes of God, and that God had given them freedom to the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.  This country was to provide an atmosphere that would encourage hard work, sound morals and respect for their fellow man.

Co-equal/Collegial Govt has an ultimate leader but this leader makes no moves on his own to promote any group over the other.  He is merely a representative of the people who oversees the decisions that would affect the protection and promotion of the individual States and their populace.  This is why they left each state to govern themselves.  Each State was to collect taxes of interstate commerce so each State could operate and in turn help to fund its military or State Militia.

A Co-equal/Collegial Government was never designed to be a Hierarchal Government, it was designed as an alternative to that which man has lived under for millennia which always led to oppression and aggression toward the people in whom it governed no matter if it was a Monarchy, Imperialistic, or Socialistic.  Co-equal Governance was created to insure peoples basic rights to their religious beliefs, along with peace, prosperity and the pursuit of happiness.

It was just that as our, meaning the United States of America, grew, the men who were appointed to leadership after our founding were unable to grasp the true concept of a Co-equal/Collegial government and therefore were at a loss on how to continue in a Government that was truly based on the peoples need for the freedom of the pursuit life, liberty and happiness, and equal justice.  So they modified the style of Government to fit what they felt would help with the increase of the populace, a modified Hierarchal government.  This is what we are living under today and it will progress into the control by one man or group of men over the rest leading to oppression of the masses with limited liberties, just like it has always done.

Now the question that begs to be answered is, can we return to the original Co-equal/Collegial Interactive Government that the founders had established before the 1830’s?

One of the problems as I see it was the establishment of a Central Bank.  In 1781 just two months after the Colonies won their Independence from England, Alexander Hamilton among the others in the Continental Congress chartered the first bank for the Independent Colonies, the Bank of the United States.  When ever you centralize your money you will begin to have a breakdown in any Governance other than Hierarchal, because Banks promote and depend on having control over the borrower because of the loan in which they issue.  This banking system is hierarchal by nature and would not allow for the free pursuit of religion, liberty, justice and prosperity.  Banks are designed to enslave not promote prosperity.  The Colonial Congress did have an Idea though that would keep control over the banks ability to enslave the people who borrowed, however that idea was lost to time past and to those original founders as the banking systems of the world quickly saw the profit in investment in America.

The solution to the United states of America’s current situation is multi-fold but functional.

1) Stop allowing the banks to run our country.  2) Return taxation, education, welfare, health care to the individual States with their contribution to the central govt of 10% of their States tax revenues. 3) Each State maintains their own state guard.

The Federal Govt maintains 1) active military for protecting boarders, 2) Immigration and Intl customs, 3) maintaining the safety of our embassies, 4) maintenance of peace treaties. 5) the Federal Govt levee taxes on Intl commerce and trade.  But each State levees taxes on Inter-State commerce and receives part of the federal taxes from Intl Trade.

Each State has equal representation of the people in those states in the congress and the senate for distribution of Intl levee and the protection of personal rights and liberty provided under the constitution, and bill of rights, and all the amendments added thereof.

WE need to be a people united on common goals of the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.  Co-equal in our communication and representation with one another no matter what race, religion, gender, age and or handicap.

Let’s return to the true form of Government for the people and by the people based on the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.  With the ethics and morals of hard work, self and mutual respect, family centered and peace among men.


Collegial Interactive Communication and Gossip

Collegial Interactive communication helps promote a collegial attitude of those around you at work, and build team work relationships.  But while the interactive communication promoted development of family, one problem still persists, gossip.  Helping people to open up and communicate has helped many families draw closer and industries lower workforce injury, accidents and loss, but one thing it still has yet to help reduce has been Gossip.

So what is Gossip?

I have learned over many years that in order to correct something you must first learn what it is.  In our case we want to know what gossip is before we can go about correcting it.

Gossip has a very interesting obsolete root meaning that bears some understanding for our learning today.  A Gossip was once used as the title for what we now call a godparent.  One by some form of invitation has been brought into the family by a religious obligation, also known as a sponsor.  These sponsors have now become part of your family and as such should be considered collegial.

I married a woman who is a Filipina, and under her culture when we married we were expected to  invite some people we considered close to be our sponsors, we chose about 8 couples.  It is more of a honorary thing, but the idea is that their duty is to help guide and assist the new couple in the rough waters of life.  But by experience we found that a couple of our Gossips caused more rough waters in our life than helped to calm.

Further more gossip is defined as, a friend, a comrade, a companion; a familiar and customary acquaintance.  Then the definition goes on to say that gossip is one who runs house to house tattling and telling news or Idle tales.  Also another obsolete meaning is to make merry.

So understanding these meanings of the word Gossip lets us know that it is something very personal, familiar and in some cases makes either the transceiver or the receiver merry to hear it.  whereby it is usually based on something someone else heard and then shared with another.  The problem is this communication is based on something that may not be true or verifiable.  The problem with Gossip as a means of co-equal interactive communication is that it is harmful to the receiver, the teller and the one being talked about.

What does Gossip do?

First of all it can cause all sorts of emotional and even physical problems.  In today’s self absorbed society it can emotionally destroy a person causing them to even take their lives.  All based on gossip and distortion.

We have all played the game where you sit in a circle and tell one person something and then they tell the next and once it makes full rounds it is somewhat distorted from the original message.  This is what happens to gossip once it makes the rounds it is distorted and conflated..  Many a person has been harmed in one way or another from gossip that has made the rounds.  I lost a job once as a young and immature person by listening to gossip from a second party.  Take it from me co-equal interactive communication has no room for gossip.

Co-equal Interactive Communication is to be based on honest and true communication and Gossip usually cannot be established as truth because the receiver was not there when the news or idle tale took place.  The thing to do is to stop the person in their tracks when they are gossiping and say what your are sharing is not healthy for either of us.  And if you are given to gossip the best thing to do is not to do it.  Most people who gossip do so because they don’t know what to talk about and usually they want to control and have attention they feel they need.  But when you allow a person to gossip you are giving then permission to rule over you through it.  Then the interactive communication is no longer co-equal but hierarchal and in the end will cause harm to the relationship.

Practice good co-equal/collegial interactive communication and you will develop long lasting open, honest personal relationships with people.   This is what everyone says they would like to have but it takes, like all good things, hard work and practice.  Don’t invite a Gossip into your life eventually it will come around and hurt you more than help.

Selfie Communication Is Not Co-equal or Collegial

Today we see the era of the “Selfie”.  Most know that a selfie is a picture one takes of themselves and posts online in their facebook or other social media web sites.

But what are people communicating via the selfie?

There are a few things we can gather from the selfie that may help you to improve your communication of your self image.  Self image is what you think of yourself.  And in today’s self conscious generation the selfie has become the biggest outlet of egotistical individualism I have seen in my life time.

Why has this come about?

Well is has come about via a few social educational venues.  1) From the educational system pushing the Esteem yourself agenda from K through College. 2) reinforced by the all avenues of mass media, and 3) The natural inclination of self centeredness of man as an individual.  All three of these have displaced the communal care for one another and replaced it with the care for one self above all else.  This is a root in poor communication because a self centered person is one who is hierarchal in their style of communication rather than Collegial or Co-equal.  Whole of society for 40 years has been switched from Collegial interaction to Individual introspection, where one feels and thinks of ones self above all others.

The selfie is taken from different directions because the individual is concerned about how they look in the eyes of those around them.  They are seeking positive attention from all directions everything is self centered in its motive.  In a world that sought to enlighten them to self esteem the whole experiment failed.  The seek your own direction, define who you are, and be yourself Esteeming program of the Neo-educational program failed to produce well adjusted and collegial interactive individuals but created a whole generation of misguided self centered people who have little or no true self esteem.

The communication they engendered in ourselves, our brothers and sisters and in our children was not one of equality and fairness but one of self centered, self promoting and self caring.  The hierarchal relationship is reinforced in this type of education process brought through our schools and mass media.  It was part of the social experiment to take away freedom and truth and replace it with the submission and control.  I am not saying it was purposely done, I think the intellectuals have thought themselves better at choosing what was good for us and in the end created a monster they can no longer control.  And it all has to do with true open, honest and free communication that we no longer possess in our world today.

In order for anyone to over come these erred engineered social education is to reach out and Esteem others better than yourself, learn to communicate openly and honestly without fear, and be willing to go the next step in that communication and develop it and educate others.  The selfie generation has many lonely individuals, who know not what to do or how to communicate properly in a world that is fast approaching self destruction.  If I care more about what others think of my looks or my personality then I am part of the selfie generation.  I am not against one personal hygiene or neatness of appearance, those things are very important in relationships, I am saying that if you care more about what others think or say your fears are misplaced and you leave yourself open to harm and not help.

The selfie is the reflection of a society that no longer cares about others but only about ones self.  Solomon said, Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: we can learn from such words.  To look to men for their favor, respect or even self for esteem it is deceptive.  And remember that our outward beauty is only for a short time and it is empty in the end and holds nothing for us.  It is the inside man that makes the difference it is the development of the inner persons beauty, the heart, that matters more than any outward appearance.  You must have a strong self opinion or you will seek it from someone else and they are not after your best interest but their own.  This gives them hierarchal leadership over you when you seek what others think of your look or attitude.  You must look within and have some sort of guideline as to what is good and acceptable morals of self image.  The self image starts in the heart and projects itself outward not the other way around.  If you have a strong inner self not based on outward appearance then you are strong enough to develop co-equal relationships with others.

Selfies communicate self centered hierarchy and lacks the collegial communication that is necessary in developing co-equal relationships with people.  Co-equal Collegial Communicative Relationships are where successes begins, without them failure and self destruction await more often than not.  Set aside the erred teaching of your past and grasp the true and open freedom you were meant to experience in Co-equal Collegial Relationships.  It all starts with learning to communicate Honestly and openly without fear.  Learning to communicate will develop a co-equal relationship with others and lead to success in almost every area of your life, including self.

Communicate Your Way to Success By Communicating Honestly

Communication is the key to success in every aspect of your life.  Success always depends on your ability to communicate properly.  Most are good at communicating certain Ideas in small groups, others are better at communicating in large groups.  Yet others are better communicators in one on one situations.  Yet we are all poor communicators and fail in some area of our lives because of our inability to communicate properly.

Communication is not barking orders.  That is Hierarchal Communication, I speak and you jump to it style of communication.  It works good while in battle.  But life, business and other relationships is not a battlefield to be conquered but rather a field of opportunity of nurture and grow.  And that is developed through Co-equal Interactive Communication.  Open, honest and straight forward communication based on respect and collegial alliance, without fear of reproach, reprisal or reprimand.

Have you ever met a person passing in the hallway or store in a casual way?

Well of course you have, and what they say has intrigued me for years.  It usually goes like this, “Hello, how are you” and you respond “fine thanks.  And yourself” “Ok”.  The standard commonplace greeting amongst strangers, “how are you” is so misplaced in our fast paced world.

What should be communicated in asking “how are you” is this, I am very interested in How you are? But that is furthest from the truth.  They are not interested in How you are or they would have taken the time to listen.  The greeting is communicated but without the expectation of either party really communicating on how they are.  Therefore the communication is a lie, it is shallow and it is not really co-equal.  It is just another form of miscommunication we have learned over the years.  This commonplace greeting comes from a time when communities were smaller and people stopped and took time to greet, share and listen to one another.  Communities were at one time interested the welfare of others.

Today’s social media communities unite people from around the world and in that, many do not communicate in a way that is co-equal.  Most communicate and expect others to listen but not in a way that develops deep relationships like that of the local community.  Social media has not succeeded in bringing people together but has enforced itself as a tool to rule over others without their permission.  It is a way to exploit others and their words rather than develop communal relationships.  In the end, people are harmed by social media more often than helped.  There is a difference between having access to a world wide audience and actually communicating properly with others.

One of what seemed to be the rudest responses I had to the “how are you” was “Are  you really interested in how I am?  It shocked the person and they were left without really knowing how to answer.  It is because they were not being honest in asking or stating what they communicated.  It was an experiment of course and I apologized to the person for coming across so blunt.  I explained what I was attempting to analyze from their response and in the end they often realize they never were really expected to care to hear a real answer to that question but only use it in a nonchalant way of saying hello.

If you want to be a success you must learn to listen not just say things without expecting a true answer or response.  Don’t ask how are you unless you are willing to listen to a true answer.  Don’t respond to the “How are you” statement or question in like manner but rather say good morning, afternoon or evening.  Anything more than that, is a communication that is not Honest.  And honest communication is the first step to co-equal communication.  And true co-equal collegial interactive communication is the key to success in any venture of your life.

A good thing to do is to go over all your daily communication routine and see where you may in fact say or ask things that you are not really expecting an answer or response.  Once identified make a conscious effort to change those statements to real honest and open communications or at least correct them so you are not speaking forth a lie if need be.  When you communicate honest and openly it opens up doors of success in every area of your life.  Choose to communicate co-equally, honestly and openly and you will succeed at anything.

Collegial Interactive Communication as a Lifestyle

Lifestyle Communication

Ever try and sit down and count how many people you have met over the years?

I tried and it would be well over a thousand people I have met.  It could be higher but I have no idea how to recall. Seeing that we are introduced to so many people today in our vast communities.  Up until the last century communities were small and everyone knew each other.  And in a world of high populated urban centers, media and vast choices of entertainments we have lost the art of communication as a means of developing relationships with people.

Also something you may have noticed from the previous sentences is that our English language has the same root word for Communication and Community.  An exciting etymology of this word comes forth as we study out this word.  In the early years of the English language the word Communication was not limited as it is today to speaking, sending of words, or sharing of ideas, but it had a more applicable meaning to human life.  It literally meant Lifestyle or behavior, and secondly meant share, and also meant spoken words of information to another.  The Latin word from which we derive our English word meant “to share”.  Another word that is quite close to communication is conversation.  Conversation not only consisted of words but was the persons lifestyle. an obsolee meaning of the word conversation is behaviour or manner of living i.e. lifestyle.

I spoke of before about how tribal communities have a mind set that all property is communal, literally it belonged to all in the community.  And this is part of the problem that many of today’s developing nations face when dealing with theft of tree fruits such as Coconuts, Bananas, Cashew nut, Mango’s and many others.  These countries are only now teaching the difference in communal and private property and so after many years of communal property the people are finally getting the understanding of Private Property by individuals and Enterprises.

Now while communities were small everyone knew each other, they would see each other and greet each other and spend time communicating with one another.  Communication is done with more than just the words that come out of our mouths.  A recent study says that our communication today is 97% non-verbal.  So that would mean that we communicate with more than just our words.  The study tells us our communication is partially emotional intonation, body language, eye contact or lack of it, and the type of words we choose to use in communication.  That is right choosing the correct words is key to communicating properly.

In today’s society of large urban communities, for a lack of a better word, we have developed selective communication via a particular type of conversation.  Some select their communication to be among their own race and in that develop their own unique language and clothing styles to go with it.  This is a fall back to the tribal days when each family unit developed its own language and look for communication among its members.  We can identify a few groups in our society that do this, but as a of late some of that language has crossed races and genders to become a more common way of speaking.  The problem is it lacks the ability to clearly communicate with the larger section of society.  Clearly selective communication divides and is ineffective in communication with all of society in which it is employed.

Our English Language, used in America, is taught to all for the purpose of clear communication between all peoples who make up our society, who are from different nations.  This language is used in two forms of communication  speaking and writing, if either of these is missing then communication is lacking.  So here we are an intellectual society who has abandoned two types of it s communication of speaking and writing, the lifestyle of communication, and the coherency of communication.  We need to redevelop these if our society is ever going to expand if not the result is collapse.

So what is lifestyle communication?

Lifestyle communication works in two ways, 1) your outer communication which is non-verbal,  and 2) active communication among your community at large.  This is communicating outside your clique or group.  Whether it is a racial or class groups this type of communication must improve among the citizenry of our country or it is doomed to failure as a nation as a whole.  Another way of communication is in the form of conversation we use both verbal and non-verbal, the latter being your lifestyle or manner of living in society.

Outer communication of lifestyle communication is made up of a few things 1) your appearance and dress, 2) projected attitude, 3) emotional intonation, 4) body language and 5) manner of living or behaviour.  Here is what has changed largely over the last 100 years or more.  A large amount of this is from social engineering of the education system and the media.  Appearance the outer man has become of more importance than the inner man.  Especially because of evolution is taught as truth in the public school experiment, which controls and conforms the next generation into what these social engineers want, a submissive society that is ruled by a hierarchal leadership.

But the education system is not alone in this, the media also helps in portraying the social direction they want to engineer via Movies, News Programing, Daily Soaps and the nightly Sitcom/Drama programs.  Of late a newer form has arisen, the “Reality” show, which are not reality at all as they are still scripted and are part of the ongoing social engineering that both the education and media systems employ to control the masses.  Everything you see on TV is scripted with one goal in mind Social engineering a submissive people that they can control and manipulate.

The best way to keep people from communicating properly is by tranquilizing the masses via manipulated Education and Media programming.  It used to be people communicated regularly because of the lack of any means of entertainment.  Over the last 100 years or more, entertainment has become the highlight of peoples lives, instead of being a treat to the arts a few times a year, it has become a nightly activity and a right.  And when ever something is given up, in this case true communication and relationships, it must have something to replace it, mass and social media has now replaced true communication and relationships.

These things, done via education and media, have gotten people to conform to certain stereotypes of lifestyles instead of allowing each person real freedom in developing who they are via personal communication and relationship as it was in all the centuries before.  What these have done is divide people, and a divided people is easier to conquer  than united people.  The early founders of our country knew this, and tried to establish a nation for the people by the people, using true open co-equal Collegial Interactive Communication and Relationships to form a government that would not rule over the people but unite them for protection of the freedom of all.

Another way that the social engineers of today have succeeded in limiting the communication of people is by making the common language anything but real clear and open language of communication.  In this division the people who don’t speak the street language are separated from those who speak it and vise versa.  Two main divisions in communication it is no longer a generation gap but a communication gap.  To which these social engineers can point to as a problem so to keep your eyes off of the truth which is that the Dept of Education and the mass media are the tools to which the social engineers used to destroy the government of the people for the people or the Collegial Interactive Governance and replaced it with the old world governance of Hierarchal Governance we are currently under.

We have seen that the reason people are not into real open and honest co-equal collegial Interactive Communication is because they have been socially engineered out of it practically before it was fully developed into the real governance.  All of what has been shared so far goes as far back as the early 1800’s, within 50 years after the establishment of the United States Collegial Interactive government, forces who want to control the masses of the population through a hierarchal system of government had already began to tear it down and recreate it for their purposes, by 1830.

They knew that if they controlled what the people are taught and entertained with, they could slowly and without notice put the people under their control and what we see today in our society is the result of their social engineering.  And all they had to do was breakdown the true collegial interactive communication of people as a lifestyle and governance everything else they desired from that destruction would fall into place.  Destroy peoples ability to open and honest co-equal communication and you destroy their union and their nation.  One way to overcome the social engineers is to turn off the TV, better yet, don’t subscribe to cable TV programming at all, that is what I did.

This is why it is important to learn once again the true form of Collegial Interactive Communication and its benefit to the society.  Co-equal Collegial Interactive communication and relationships is what is needed today and it will bring unity and strength to any nation and destroy any form of Hierarchal Governance that has arose over them.  Learn co-equal open and honest collegial interactive communication and you will open the doors of true communication and relationships that will change the world, just as it did over 200 years ago.

Open Interactive Communication – Part Two

Overcoming the Fears of Open Communication

Everyone wants to be a success in business, many want to make that million before their 30 and retire early.  However for most it is only a dream, and then many more try and don’t succeed.  In the end a lot will become disgruntled and bitter.

Why is that?

First we must understand that in each of our lives there are different areas we can be successful in.  Success in business is only one area.  Not everyone can be successful in business though it would be nice but the odds are against everyone being a success in business.  Then there is success in Family life.  The sad truth is many fail at this too.

Another area of success is in friendships or social life.  Some seem to have tons of friends while others have only a few.  As a Pastor/Counselor/Confidant, I have had to guide people through difficulties in life and one of the things I noticed is, some people have lots of friends but those relationships are shallow.  You will find that statistics show that people who commit suicide have often been thought to have a lot of friends. But in reality they may have many acquaintances, they lacked the deepness of true relationships, where they could actually trust the one they are befriending.  Having a lot of friends is no proof one is successful in friendships.  Friendship are relationships and if those relationships are not deep enough that you can confide in the person, then that friendship may not be a successful friendship.

So what is it that is the common denominator in all the areas of success?


That’s right communication is the key to success in any area of your life.  Marriage, Family,  Business and Friendships, will all succeed or fail upon communication.

Ever wonder how some of these supposedly successful people can get a bunch of people to sell vacuum cleaners , while the only one who really makes any money is the one getting the work force to pound the pavement for a sale?

Well it is communication.  He communicates the product and it’s benefits in hopes of getting a few fired up to join his force to go out and make some sales of this great product.  But his employee turnover is high and he must constantly be rallying up new sales people for his product.  However the communication he uses is self motivated and generally not open and honest.  What I mean he is doing it to advance himself in the end.  And like his workforce he too will sooner or later burn out.

Ok, so how do we get communication to work and have success in any area of our lives?

First it must me honest, second clear and third open.  And we need others to understand our communication habits, so they will not to be offended.  In other words it must be co-equal communication or Collegial Interactive Communication.  A communication between equals where no one is afraid of hurt or honest communication, this is called a relationship.  And in a good relationship no one is communicating for a secret personal motive or agenda.  The reality is honest and open communication scares people.  The reason is, they are not used to co-equal or Collegial Interactive Communication and they don’t know how to be open and honest when communicating.

I want to point out two of the most common reasons why people are afraid to communicate.  There are others but these two are why many don’t want deep communication with people.  Let’s look at the first of these two.  Let see if we can identify what was the failure of many of the sales people in the above snippet about the sales motivator.

What is it that many who want to get into sales but fail at it?

It is the Fear of NO.  Fear of No or a Negative answer, it is why many sales people fail and it is why many don’t go deeper into communicating themselves openly in landing the sale, and it is why many wont communicate openly in relationships with others.

One of the first things I learned in honest open communication came years ago.  And its basis is never be afraid of “No”.  I learned I could ask for something, and if I was not fearful of No as the answer, it never hurt to ask.  I often got the things I asked for because I was willing to ask without fearing the “No” answer.

As a Missionary Pastor in a foreign land, teaching the word of God, one of the commandments is “Thou shall not steal”.  Yet in tribal communities all property is communal, and many still have that mentality even though their country is growing toward private property and enterprise ending the communal aspect of property.  So when a neighbor who complained that the kids were stealing all his cashew nuts from his trees. The first thing I asked was, “Did you tell them it is your trees and not to pick the cashews?”  Of course the answer was no.  I suggested first he tell the kids not to pick them, and tell them why and how it hurts you if they take it.  He followed my advice and it worked.  But some of the kids still could not understand why they couldn’t take some of the cashews.

So teaching them not to steal another man’s property was difficult because they saw the unfenced trees as communal and not private.  So I told them the best thing they could do as a Christian is to ask and get permission or don’t take them.  Many were afraid and when I figured out their fear I was able to address a deeper issue in their culture.  The fear of NO.  People are by nature afraid of disappointment so hearing NO is not high on their list of things they like.  I tell them always ask and never be afraid because the worst answer you can get is NO.

I have found personally that if I wanted something that someone else could provide for me, all I had to do was to ask for it.  The worst answer is No, and what fear is it in being told No?  Nothing.  I discovered that many times the answer was yes, rather than no.  And likewise for the kids they discovered that many times the answer is yes but what kept them from communicating was fear of NO.

Another reason people are hesitant or fearful of communicating is having their honest and open communication used against them.

Part of Interactive Communication is not being afraid of a negative answer.  That is the answer you don’t want to hear.  Many times the if you are afraid of the negative answer it is because you are asking for the wrong reason.  And one reason people are afraid to actually communicate is because people are listening for the wrong reason.  Part of good Collegial Interactive Communication is listening, as a matter of experience, listening is probably the most important part of good communication.  Not just letting them speak type of listening but really listening so that there can be deeper trust and discovery of fears and self, but many are afraid of this because some people will use what has been communicated against them.

Before I give you an example of having your communication used against you, I want you to understand I am the type of person who will give you full trust, but once you break that trust, it will be hard for you to ever get back to that level of trust again.  Now I had a man I trusted, the relationship started out as an all relationships do, as acquaintance.  He asked a lot of questions and I thought it was just because our relationship was new and he just wanted to know more about me.  I was open and honest with my communication giving trust to this man unto a very deep level.  As the relationship developed he would often turn things I said on me and try to give psychological reasons for some of my failures or shortcomings.  I began to wonder why he was doing this, as he was starting to come across as a superior and no longer an equal.  Only for a short time did I ever hold him as a superior and that is when I worked under him and that limited to our hours in the field together.  Outside of that position, I myself, kept our relationship as equals but apparently he did not.  He wanted to have that superiority over me 24/7.  People like this want to have a hierarchal relationship, that is they want to rule over others.  The problem was I never gave him that authority.

Anyway on with the story, I went to school for a few years and later into ministry, Married my wife,  and during that time I did not have a very close relationship with him.  I thought when he visits it would be just a continuation of a trusting relationship with open and honest communication.  But again and again if there was a problem of sorts he would revert back to psycho-analytical positioning and become the superior even though that was not the case at the time.  Friendships can be touchy and because of this type of relationship with this man I was beginning to learn why people don’t put themselves out there for others to know in a deeper way.  Let me explain further.

One day this man visited me, no indication from him of any problem, no indication of his being put into a position as a superior, or that he was going about some action that placed him over me.  As far as I knew everything between us was fine and we were on equal ground.  He made a comment on the coffee I offered him as being really good, and then went into asking questions, and believing at this point we were equals I answered openly.  Later I found out through others he was going around investigating me for supposed wrong doing.  He had used my willingness to be open and honest against me for a more devious purpose.  When he was confronted by me,  his excuse was for one reason, but it was later revealed, by one who benefited from his dishonesty, the true motivation behind all his actions.

What happened is very common among worldly minded people who are out to promote themselves.  The communication was not a two way honest and open communication it was deceptive and agenda driven.  When his deception is revealed and I confronted him with it, he was still not honest but buried himself in other so called motives as to what he was doing, but what resulted proved that he was motivated by quite a different goal.  It is people like this that cause people to be fearful of trusting people.  This is how a person can have lots of friends and still be lonely, there is no honest and open communication between them and others.

I was hurt by this mans dishonesty.  His partial truths and misinformation he gave others, deeply affected areas of my life financially and in my relationships with them.  But what was the root of the whole breakdown of our relationship.  Partially it was his not being open and honest in his communication with me from the first time we met, his desire to rule over people ran his motives for friendships.  And My fault was, as I know now, not stating from the beginning that if he was going to ask questions that were of a deeper nature then he would be required a higher accountability for the knowledge he had of me and that he would not use those things against me.  I needed to explain what a relationship with me will require.  That this open and honest communication, and it must be a two way street, so both of us will be held accountable if we break that trust.  Had he been truly interested in the success of my life and situation he would have been open and honest in every communication we ever had, however as it was revealed that was not the truth, he had no use for honest and open relationships because he cannot control them.  Hierarchal personalities are control freaks.

I learned that these types of people use other people as stepping stones to further their goals and personal agendas, without regard for those in whom they have gained trust.  These types of men often have the respect of men, but their relationships are not fully open and honest.  He wants to be a rule over others, he wants Hierarchal relationship not a co-equal or Collegial relationship.  A co-equal or collegial interactive relationship takes more work and requires there be honest and open communication something this type of person was incapable of despite his intellect.   You must understand that a co-equal/collegial interactive Relationship and communication is high maintenance but it is well worth the effort in the end.  Anything worth having is worth working for.

Once these type of people reveal their true self, you must try to be open, if possible, and tell them what they did, how it affected you, and then present a solution so that you can continue in the relationship.  But from my experience these type of people will cut off communication when you figure out their game.   Sometimes you have to cut off the relationship because the person continues to be dishonest and still will not open and listen with honest intent.  If this happens then that type of person can never be trusted again with your honest and open communication and the relationship will remain strained and shallow.

These types of people are shallow with their communication, not just with you but with many others that they have relationships with.  Basically it is because they learned how to manipulate people and their knowledge of them for personal gain and interests. Their whole existence is for using the information they gather to further themselves into a superior position over others, one that has not been given them freely.  Some people accept this self asserting individual and don’t communicate that they were not given that freedom in their relationship.  Here again we must not fear the hurt of being used, but open it up and communicate that they have not been given that hierarchal relationship or more clearly stated, you have not given them permission to rule over you through your personal relationship.

What I want you to learn from this is, don’t be afraid to be open and honest with your communication with people just because a small minority of people use their relationships and the ensuing communication for personal gain or control.  When you find these types it is best to keep the relationship and communication shallow because their motivation is not favorable to you but only for themselves. Focus on those relationships where others like yourself want open, honest co-equal communication.  It is through these types of relationships that not only are you going to be successful in friendships but you will find these are the ones who are out to truly help you be a success in business and family life a s well.

Don’t let your fear of negative answers and your fear of being used by a few people keep you from Collegial Interactive Communication.  If you do you will never develop long lasting friendships or relationships.  As you go through the apples of life, you will occasionally find a rotten one in the bushel, and like you would a real apple, toss that one aside and focus on the good ones.  Remember you can always pick up the bad one later and cut away the rot, through open and honest communication, and if possible still have a shallow relationship with that person, at best it may change them and be one of your best relationships.  And always keep this in mind, listening is as important as communicating open and honestly, do so, not for personal motives or agendas, do it for the one you are co-equal in communicating with, for together you will have a successful relationship in more areas than one.